For those supporting you through your pregnancy, the ones that are privileged to be in those poll positions are for some your loved ones- and whichever form they come in. It can be a dear friend, partner, sister, mother, other children, family members, therapists, pets, a place. It will be different for everyone, but whoever or whatever it may be- it’s having those go to sources of love and support.

For others this may present as a challenge- as rather than feel supported, some women and expecting parents feel that their decisions are being questioned. This can be quite subtle, with occasional comments or be quite blatant. So already a test of strength has emerged. Couples I have worked with have had this experience ranging from others opinions on how to feed their baby and what they should be eating; or been the recipients of common remarks such as “well in my day...” or “oh, you’re doing that? (With a raised eyebrow).

My advice for those people experiencing this is not only to remember the choices are yours, but that in a strange way these people help you to become stronger and clearer in what you’re wanting as new parents, and this might be going too far for you…. but it’s also an opportunity to be grateful to them for showing you what’s important and discovering how you would like to be. Ultimately you may reach a deeper resolve especially if this is an old habit with certain people. If you find yourself in this situation it’s important to have someone of like mind on your side, to encourage you forward and remind you what’s important- that this is a special time to be celebrated. x

Beyond this inner circle of love, is a broader network, and for some it may be their community, their religion, their inspiration in life. Sitting around this is the people you chose to care for you, and it may be one person or a whole team of practitioners from different modalities, depending on your needs and wishes. The pdfs in the resources section may help you both in terms of deciding what kind of maternity carer is going to suit you, and also the kinds of questions to ask your prospective care providers, to gain an understanding of how they can serve you.

When choosing a maternity care provider (GP Obstetrician, a Private Obstetrician, a Private midwife, a Midwifery Group Practice..etc.) there are lots of factors to consider when it comes to deciding. In an ideal world it would be choosing someone that you trust and who you feel listens to you. Do you come away from the meeting feeling that all your questions were answered, or do you come away feeling dizzy and unsure of what just took place?

Everyone is different in their needs: some women/ expecting parents want a quick, to the point experience; others want to feel that everything is under control and their care is with someone who can arrange all of the elements of their care with ease and efficiency; others appreciate more time. Care providers are adaptable, but you will get a feeling from the moment you meet them/ speak with them. And I would kindly remind you – whatever you decide, you are not locked in, you can change your mind.

If you are in a small town where perhaps choices are limited, then your option could be to either meet who is there, because they might be fabulous, or if they aren’t meeting your needs ask your closest hospital who else is working in the region (as they may have a list of all types of practitioners). You may have to do a lot of the seeking yourself. I know some centres or services will accept women into their care even if they live remotely, and link up via online services/ share care. So there can be some creative solutions – just don’t be scared to ask- ring around. They should be happy to assist with your enquiry. x

I am an optimist and I am spoiled with amazing practitioners where I live, who are delight to know and work with. But I have lived in places where this is not the case, and it may be for you too, so I don’t want to leave you with feeling like you’re in a maze and can’t find the way out. If you feel resigned to a current care provider that isn’t quite what you were hoping for, but there aren’t any alternatives- then perhaps can you add in another element to provide you with what you need? For example can you find a student midwife to go on the journey with you, or have a doula to support you? Or if you are remote can you link up with likeminded people on line, or join a local community group to connect you with local women who may have other ideas? Can you talk to a maternity service in a larger town or city to get advice?

Like everything in life, it’s worth doing your research and shopping around to find the best fit for you, in the way you would a hairdresser, a butcher, a mechanic, a dentist, only this time it’s choosing someone/ or a service who will assist in supporting you and your baby’s health and wellbeing, and delivery your little one into the world.

Exciting times! Best wishes x

The post Having Support: choosing a care provider appeared first on Mama Lee Midwife.

I considered the question, as there are numerous things you can ‘do, or not do’ to assist and support that magnificent moment when new life enters the world.

But, I answered her like this;

For many pregnant women I have met, they are naturally orientated to thinking about birth. It captures their thoughts and intrigues them. When it is something you haven’t done before, then there is a natural curiosity about it. Questions start to form in your mind about what it will be like, how will my body respond, and will I have the strength or focus or ability to do it. And all of those questions are to be expected and require thought, and time and exploration.

We, and its human, place our thoughts far into the future and often on the end result, but perhaps (and I believe) there is great value in first knowing where you are, and then taking steps to take you to where you’d like to be.

So I feel like as group of women, we need to begin by asking a different question. And it’s about how can I work towards a better birth, because being curious about it is one thing, but taking steps towards what you would like is another.

And in that case the answers would start with you, not me.

This might appear a little strange, and this might be uncomfortable, but it’s where I begin with all women that I work with. We have to have a better understanding of ourselves in order to move forward or towards something.

So getting clear on things like- Where does your health sit right now? Is there something physical that needs attention before embarking on thinking about birth? If you’re in a relationship, do you feel supported? Are there past events that may affect your decisions about birth? How do you feel about birth? What gives you a sense of safety and why? What is your belief about the word safety? Where would you like to birth? What are your reasons for that decision? These questions are a place to start.

It’s like building a nest. The birds collect the things they need to create a safe, warm zone in which to raise their young ones and they chose where it will be best protected. And you too are building a nest of sorts- collecting all the physical things you may need, and choosing where will be best. But it’s the going deeper to the emotional or physical or social aspects of your world that equally need time and attention so that your bodies can birth our babies with calm minds and bodies that will respond to all the signals they are getting. This may require support, and learning techniques to use – not just for birth, but for your path into new parenthood and even lifelong.

And once you’ve begun to understand yourselves and what you’re wanting, then you can best decide who/ what type of care will support you best towards birth.

It is never such a simple question, but if you dive in - the answers might be surprising and provide a piece of the puzzle and bring peace of mind x so I guess to put it simply, you must begin to birth… with you first.

The post Advice for Birth: it starts with you appeared first on Mama Lee Midwife.

There are so many types:

The held breath

The gasp

The sigh

The short breath

The pant

The meditator breath

The breath of a yogi

The wheezy breath

The inability to catch your breath

The gorgeous sound of a belly laugh, with so much breath

The sight of something that takes your breath away

The breath of a birthing woman

Or the first breath of a new born baby.

These are the delights of life. 

So firstly, I wanted to take a moment to think about the air we breathe, and taking the time to breathe. 

When we are caught in stress, worry or feeling anxious, or during times of busy-ness, exercise or sexual activity our breath is naturally affected. Breath is one of the human bodies fascinating miracles, that the outside world can affect, and our inside world can affect right back. When you know you need more air, more space in order to calm, to restore, to reset, then know the key is in your hands. By controlling our breath, we can turn having our breath being affected, to our breath affecting our mind and body. It’s this gorgeous interaction, and it’s simple and powerful.

So when it comes to labour and birth, the air, the atmosphere, the environment, all affect our breath and can assist and support you- when you chose the pace and the place to where it’s going. The starting point is focusing on the act of breathing, and noticing what you are currently doing. The next step is to know that you want to change it, by perhaps taking a larger breath and then directing it to where you want it to go ( in order to release, or calm, or to be more powerful), and lastly changing the pace, which will often lead to a shift in your physical position.

Where possible, I liken the act of the body to nature, so in the same way that a wave comes in, pauses and then retreats, and pauses and then continues the cycle, so too with our breath, it is not just in and out. You can play with all four parts (inhale/ expand, pause, exhale/release, pause). This is just one simple technique. 

You can also experiment with where you are sending your breath to- can you send it to the chest, the ribs, the upper back, the lower back, your belly, your bum, feel it in your whole body….? Pregnancy- it’s time to play, and get that oxygen working for you and your body, so your central nervous system can simmer down.

For some this is a simple reminder, for others they may not pay it much heed, but in birth, breath will be your companion, and if you have the skill to tune in, and change, then it will be a great tool in your took kit to expand, release, encourage the baby to come down and to birth beautifully. The sound of breathing will change in labour and birth. The sound of deeper, stronger breath is welcomed. Breath to the belly fuels your body for the amazing work it’s doing. A held, short or fast breath has an element of fear to it, and will need some encouragement and love and relaxing.

An old midwife used to say to me, a held breath is a held vagina. True. Take the air in and take it everywhere, especially to your baby within. 

The post Air: breathe appeared first on Mama Lee Midwife.